Monthly Archives: June 2016

holy (rap)h(a)el[l]


I’m just going to sit here and judge the hell out of dates that chose this garden terrace. Right after I find a giant necklace that goes well with my embellished corset.

lisa frank


Gonna be honest: this is not what I was expecting to see when Facebook Trending told me Lisa Frank would soon be creating “adult coloring books.”

Unrelated: Can we PLEASE bring back Trapper Keepers?

the pantry


This weekend, my family had an estate sale, and I’m gonna be frank: Thank goodness this copy of The Pantry by Pieter de Hooch didn’t sell because I absolutely love it. I mainly appreciate his attention to illuminating two different throughviews: one into the pantry, the other into a sitting room.

Like Hooch, I always try and set my sights on various, immediate exits. You know, in case anyone who looks like they went to my high school approaches…




It’s no known secret that being an adolescent sucks. I’m no stranger to that: My seventh grade school picture prominently displays a middle part (secured with heart-shaped bobby pins from Claire’s) above a big ol’ set of braces.

So it goes without saying that my heart breaks for you too, Infanta Margarita because you were just darling in Las Meninas, and well…here, you are…like me, in seventh grade.


But, at least you grew out of it? (or did you? Debatable, honestly…). Whatever; if you get the title of Holy Roman Empress, you can look go ahead and just live your life.

Top: Portrait of the Infanta from 1659.
Above: Portrait of the Infanta from 1667.

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lord of light


If Melisandre knows what’s good for her, she’ll bring Ygritte back too. Pray that to the Lord of Light.

landscapes, two parts

Something you can say to impress your friends. It goes like this: “Guys, did you know there are two different sub-categories of landscape painting?”

“Yeah, one’s called heroic landscape painting. Rich people of the time preferred these, as well as the French Academy. You know what we say today? Boh-ring!”


“The other one is called rural landscape painting. As you’d think, guys, more generic. It didn’t require the level of ‘finish’ the Academy preferred in its heroic landscapes, but could be a bit rougher. Think, like, yoga pants for chicks.”


Thank me later when you have everyone clamoring to hang out with you.


abt ln…

hotel room.jpg

Edward Hopper brilliantly captures my Sunday mornings: just swap that book for all the texts I sent last night to people I shouldn’t.


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Gauguin painted this monstrosity when he visited Brittany in 1888.

I’d probably be biting down on my closed fist if I had to pose for this clown, too.

One biographer said that Gauguin liked the primitive nature of the Brittany area more than its low cost of living. AREYOUSERIOUS? In the exact same summary, Gauguin wrote his estranged wife something like, “Hey honey, yeah, wow, sorry we didn’t come here sooner. Rent woulda been like, wayyyy cheaper.”

Cheap bastard.


cheat week


When you promise to work out this afternoon, but someone mentions tacos, so you wear something fancy to take away from your chin(s). This is by no stretch a hypothetical: I really have done nothing in the way of aerobic activity, but I just really want tacos. And donuts.