arthipstory

Here’s the list I’ve made in the past five minutes, scrolling through dating apps while my mom does the crossword in New York Times Magazine.

– No cats.
– No solidarity filters.
– No mirrors.
– No boats/fishing photos.
– No wildlife.
– No gym mirrors.
– No “it looks like you married to the bride” photos

It’s exhausting, honestly.

When not one ex, but two exes, appear in my Bumble feed.

Yep, I think this accurately defines my motivation for the week.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I worked at a pet store when I was in high school (a very “Mom and Pop”-type place, tucked in a strip mall between Jewel-Osco and a Burlington).

I HATED THE BIRD ROOM.

Those macaws would rip my goddamn knuckles apart any/every time I’d put food and water in (note: spare me your PETA rants, plz; I get they were miserable in their surroundings, etc.).

What I’m saying is, my fear of these birds is so irrational from all that, that when I see this picture, I’m just in awe of…
a.) this girl’s mane,
b.) her coy nature slash TOTAL COOL WITH THIS BIRD.

I am in love with this work just on the girl’s POUT and JAWLINE ALONE.

Edward Hopper’s done it again. His composition’s heroine (much like in Nighthawks) is disinterested, nonchalant, and without any regard to anything/anyone around her.

Much like me on the subway. This is not like me in an UberPool, however; I talk to EVERYONE like they could help me out on Cash Cab or something.

Mary Cassatt knows what’s up when the plans I made a week from now are TODAY and I don’t wish to go.

Everything down to the straw hat and contempt.

Maybe they’ll cancel. *crosses fingers*

*wave emoji* *wave emoji* *wave emoji*

My actual, genuine expression when the elevator pauses its descent on the second floor to pick someone up who is in WORKOUT CLOTHES.

TAKE. THE. STAIRS.