Tag Archives: paul gauguin

Sep 22 2016
Art

good grief.

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Guess what, everyone: Paul Gauguin’s still ruining everything.

Take this painting Faaturuma, for example. (LBH, I keep reading this as Futurama.)

The museum calls the window-like image in the background a landscape painting, and I agree (the title of the work is inscribed on its invented/imagined frame). In Tahitian, faaturuma means “overcast sky.” If you ask me, it also means “bored AF girl that scholarship might’ve confused with his teenage mistress.”

Which, on heels of Anthony Weiner’s sixty-fifth inappropriate texting relationship, sounds right up Gauguin’s alley. GROSS.

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Jun 26 2016
Art

swineherd

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Gauguin painted this monstrosity when he visited Brittany in 1888.

I’d probably be biting down on my closed fist if I had to pose for this clown, too.

One biographer said that Gauguin liked the primitive nature of the Brittany area more than its low cost of living. AREYOUSERIOUS? In the exact same summary, Gauguin wrote his estranged wife something like, “Hey honey, yeah, wow, sorry we didn’t come here sooner. Rent woulda been like, wayyyy cheaper.”

Cheap bastard.

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Apr 06 2016
Art

schuffenecker’s studio

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This is the Schuffenecker family. Gauguin hated them. Well, if I were Louise, I would feel the same right back. Go ahead, dude, paint me up in really miserable-looking heavy clothes, and give me that overbearing wedding ring: I still wouldn’t shut up about how annoyed I’d be to share my house with such an unbearable loser.

What’s even better is, scholarship suggests Gauguin tried to seduce her and faileddddd. So in addition to that awful outfit, Gauguin tries to add insult to injury by making her husband (and fellow contemporary artist Emile) look like a chump by featuring zero visual cues he was any sort of artist. That’s right–no brush, no bad beret, no nothing.

How cute are these kids as they comfort each other against Gauguin?

Strength in numbers.

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Apr 01 2016
Art

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I went to the Phillips Collection yesterday, and saw this beautiful work by Paul Gauguin. The Ham, from 1889, presents us with a portion size that’s absolutely acceptable, a handful of small onions, and a glass of wine that begs to be topped off.

Gaugin continues to be one of the most stunning users of color in the Post-Impressionist field. What he generated with bright, flat planes of color continues to be an inspiration to viewers and artists alike. The torture Gauguin must’ve felt on his endless quest for the Edenic primitivism cost him so much that we ought to…

…oh God, the horror. I CAN’T DO IT. This April Fool’s joke ends HERE AND NOW.

Gauguin was known to have said, “Let’s do a Cezanne.” Again with the originality, argued here, sir! I’m endlessly impressed, truly.

 

 

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Mar 30 2016
Art

battle of the pauls

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Not to be redundant, but Paul Cezanne’s Still Life with Fruit Dish makes its appearance in Paul Gauguin’s Woman in front of a Still Life by Cezanne. I know what you’re thinking: WOW, Gauguin, super original.

A few things I absolutely hate about this work (surprise, surprise)…

1. Knife: Why does it look like it’s floating!? Worst.

2. Signature: Gauguin does a pretty rude move where he signs the white border of the Cezanne work. Like, are you serious, Gauguin? Way to take credit for a work you didn’t actually create with that borrowed background! Lucky us, though, since we get to interpret the signature as witness (a la Jan van Eyck’s Arnolfini Wedding Portrait) or as a self-important chump (a la Duchamp’s urinal). Personally, I’m going with latter.

3. Ownership: Gauguin once said that he would never sell this Cezanne without “direst necessity.” But guess what?! He later sold it to pay for medical treatment in Tahiti…something to do with syphilis, perhaps? (I ignore ALL dental analysis theories; don’t you dare rain on my parade, science!)

4. That WAIST: Mainly since I’m damn jealous. You can keep your hate-filled glare, though, girl. I’m not about that.

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Mar 17 2016
Art

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This would be my exact reaction if I discovered myself drawn by Paul Gauguin.

A surprise to absolutely no one.

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Jan 17 2016
Art, Person

the agony

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How in God’s name does Paul Gauguin still top the list of the most expensive paintings? I’m legitimately trying to understand this. Is there nothing we can do? Christie’s, I am begging you. I can’t take another moment of this smug bastard.

Continue reading posts of my general disdain here.

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Jul 29 2014
Art

laocoön

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The agony, the pain, the anguish. I feel this way whenever anyone mentions Monday on a Sunday or Paul Gauguin EVER.

Laocoön (lie-oh-kwahn) was a Trojan priest who, with his sons in tow, were attacked by all sorts of sea serpents. (Note: This is what happens when you try and spoil the Trojan Horse and Poseidon finds out.) It dates between 27 BC and 68 AD.

Uh, I don’t know about you, but I can’t do anything without electricity and I’ve died about a bazillion times on the Oregon Trail and that’s a GAME. I mean, that’s not even the same time period and I’m still a goner.

Michelangelo was present during its excavation from a vineyard in 1506. You know who else was?! Francesco da Sangallo, the architect of the Duomo in Florence.  In his description of the excavation, he writes:

“They dug the hole wider so that they could pull the statue out. As soon as it was visible everyone started to draw [or “started to have lunch], all the while discoursing on ancient things, chatting as well about the ones in Florence.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I always celebrate centuries-old discoveries with food.

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