arthipstory

“On the floor I am more at ease,” he said. “I feel nearer, more a part of the painting since this way I can walk around it, work from the four sides and literally be in the painting.”

This quote is just about everything.

Paul Cezanne’s “Modern Olympia” sparked a whole lotta drama at its Salon exhibition, which, granted, considering we’re just as voyeuristic as this gentleman in the foreground. (Critics also called his style “delirious.” Also, sir, is that a whip?!)

Personally, I think all these prostitution symbols in the work (the dude, the dog, the handmaid) are today’s equivalent of over-the-knee boots at work. Something about them is just a little too Pretty Woman, don’t you think?

Diego Rivera (who, yeesh, just wasn’t even a nice guy) painted “The Flower Carrier” in 1935. I’m imagining a fine fellow experiencing a similar struggle carrying my own flowers I plan to receive this weekend.

Just kidding…like Clueless, I’m going to buy flowers and chocolates myself and pretend they’re from someone.

Friday’s off to a solid start.

This is “Joyousness.” Be real: NOTHING about a Gauguin is joyous, unless it’s thrown away.

But, ugh, let’s take a second to deconstruct how absolutely amazing this work is:

• Girl eating CHIPOTLE: I’m starting to realize where the title “Joyousness” came from. Also, babe, get clothed already.
• Second girlfriend’s eyebrow: Brilliant. Goddamn brilliant.
• Background idol worshipers: This group is like, better than brunch. It looks like the girl on the right’s breakin’ down a gosh darn yoga pose.

Let’s pause and discuss the reception of this work in the exhibition. Once Gauguin returned from his primitive vacay in Tahiti, his friends mocked the hell out of him for his stupid titles. They also made fun of the bright red dog in the foreground. Yo, Gauguin, this isn’t Clifford’s Big Adventure or anything like that, so let’s just chill.

Angelina looks as confused as I do. I bet she’s wondering, How can Mr. and Mrs. Smith do so well at the box office, and By The Sea sucks?

What can we say, Angie?  Two words: #TeamJen

This cutie was married to Dimitrie Cantemir, a not once, but two-time prince of Moldavia.

What I’m more curious about than him being some sort of composer was what exactly happened between 1693 and 1710 that served as the gap in his rule. Apparently, it was the Ottomans. And a bunch of other pretty terrible, short-term rulers that, LBH, weren’t very good-looking.

His second rule was only three weeks, which is ABOUT as long as my attempts to stop nonchalant swearing.

The weekend has so much potential, but I’m just like, Do yoga pants match this headdress? 

Durer really rocks the small-bang-and-major-tendrils look. Those flyaways though?….are killing me.

I’m guessing this penitent Magdalene is just hoping and pleading with divinity to let all her right swipes return the favor. Or turn its blind eye to that, ahem, SKULL UNDER YOUR PRAYER BOOK, GIRL!

Google lookin’ snazzy today.