Tag Archives: gauguin

just…no.

gauguin_3girls

There was a time a few months ago where I found old works of Gauguin’s that I didn’t absolutely hate. Well, thank God, because I’m getting the karma of some truly atrocious quotes in this book I found at an estate sale. And they are total gold:

“I love Brittany. I find wildness and primitiveness there. When my wooden shoes ring on this granite, I hear the muffled, dull, and powerful tone which I try to achieve in paintings.”

Jesus. Gauguin, I think you mean the sound of nails on a goddamn chalkboard.

“Yesterday I was in Pont-Aven. It is ridiculous countryside with little nooks and cascades, as if made for female English watercolorists.”

WHAT DOES THIS SEXIST REMARK EVEN MEAN? 

Don’t worry, the same journal entry gets so much better…

“The maidservants in the inns wear arty ribbons in their headdresses and probably are syphilitic.”

And people want me to think the guy didn’t have syphilis?

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schuffenecker’s studio

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This is the Schuffenecker family. Gauguin hated them. Well, if I were Louise, I would feel the same right back. Go ahead, dude, paint me up in really miserable-looking heavy clothes, and give me that overbearing wedding ring: I still wouldn’t shut up about how annoyed I’d be to share my house with such an unbearable loser.

What’s even better is, scholarship suggests Gauguin tried to seduce her and faileddddd. So in addition to that awful outfit, Gauguin tries to add insult to injury by making her husband (and fellow contemporary artist Emile) look like a chump by featuring zero visual cues he was any sort of artist. That’s right–no brush, no bad beret, no nothing.

How cute are these kids as they comfort each other against Gauguin?

Strength in numbers.

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ham.jpg

I went to the Phillips Collection yesterday, and saw this beautiful work by Paul Gauguin. The Ham, from 1889, presents us with a portion size that’s absolutely acceptable, a handful of small onions, and a glass of wine that begs to be topped off.

Gaugin continues to be one of the most stunning users of color in the Post-Impressionist field. What he generated with bright, flat planes of color continues to be an inspiration to viewers and artists alike. The torture Gauguin must’ve felt on his endless quest for the Edenic primitivism cost him so much that we ought to…

…oh God, the horror. I CAN’T DO IT. This April Fool’s joke ends HERE AND NOW.

Gauguin was known to have said, “Let’s do a Cezanne.” Again with the originality, argued here, sir! I’m endlessly impressed, truly.

 

 

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mistral = miserable.

mistral.jpg

Vincent van Gogh lived with Paul Gauguin in the Yellow House for about nine weeks.

Nine.

If you ask me, that’s about nine too many.

During that hellacious time, Gauguin painted Mistral. The subject, Madame Ginoux, was the owner of a cafe, and is featured in multiple portraits by both artists. Doesn’t she look doggone miserable?! Cold wind, or cold dead stare from being visually confronted in a Gauguin again!? Definitely latter.

This bush looks like a face, though, right? Or does Gauguin just make me go crazy and see things that aren’t really there?

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battle of the pauls

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Not to be redundant, but Paul Cezanne’s Still Life with Fruit Dish makes its appearance in Paul Gauguin’s Woman in front of a Still Life by Cezanne. I know what you’re thinking: WOW, Gauguin, super original.

A few things I absolutely hate about this work (surprise, surprise)…

1. Knife: Why does it look like it’s floating!? Worst.

2. Signature: Gauguin does a pretty rude move where he signs the white border of the Cezanne work. Like, are you serious, Gauguin? Way to take credit for a work you didn’t actually create with that borrowed background! Lucky us, though, since we get to interpret the signature as witness (a la Jan van Eyck’s Arnolfini Wedding Portrait) or as a self-important chump (a la Duchamp’s urinal). Personally, I’m going with latter.

3. Ownership: Gauguin once said that he would never sell this Cezanne without “direst necessity.” But guess what?! He later sold it to pay for medical treatment in Tahiti…something to do with syphilis, perhaps? (I ignore ALL dental analysis theories; don’t you dare rain on my parade, science!)

4. That WAIST: Mainly since I’m damn jealous. You can keep your hate-filled glare, though, girl. I’m not about that.

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gauguinears.jpg

This would be my exact reaction if I discovered myself drawn by Paul Gauguin.

A surprise to absolutely no one.

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the agony

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How in God’s name does Paul Gauguin still top the list of the most expensive paintings? I’m legitimately trying to understand this. Is there nothing we can do? Christie’s, I am begging you. I can’t take another moment of this smug bastard.

Continue reading posts of my general disdain here.

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stare

paul gaugin bored

I sometimes imagine these beautiful women in Tahiti talking in Gauguin’s works.

“Jesus, it’s Paul again. Quick! Look bored.”

“Just stare at that fruit. Stare like your damn life depends on it.”

I also imagine they could go on and on about being twinsies in their matching florals. No contest on the accessories though when girlfriend rocks that halo.

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record breaking awful

when will you marry

I feel you, ladies. Your indifferent emotions are my whole life right now.

There is actually nothing, nothing nice to say about this. Gauguin’s “When Will You Marry?” has reportedly fetched a whopping, and I mean whopping, $300 MILLION.

Sotheby’s is neither confirming nor denying the report that the Qatari government purchased the work from a retired Swiss exec. Qatar also reportedly bought Cezanne’s Card Players for a cool $267 million in 2011.

Gauguin visited Tahiti twice. From the Guardian:

His first trip was in 1891 after becoming estranged from his wife and was facing financial difficulties given the unpopularity of his art.

Let’s go ahead and bring back said unpopularity, shall we?  Shame if anything were to happen to the painting while it’s here in DC this year. It’s happened before, and it wasn’t even me! See the story here.

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gauguin peacock

Sass on fleek via Paul Gauguin. Love the hair, but he’s still the worst..

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