Tag Archives: gauguin

paul gauguin cruises

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I Googled Paul Gauguin today. Here’s what I found:

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CRUISES?! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Is this a JOKE?! You’re absolutely kidding me. So much for not swearing as a resolution in 2015. Or giving up hating Gauguin.

According to their website, you can:

Enjoy your meals at your leisure at stellar, onboard restaurants, and spend your evenings relaxing and enjoying entertainment in our lounge. Whether you choose to indulge your body, mind, or spirit, you’re sure to find an activity to match your passion on The Gauguin

I hope they give out syphilis as part of the greeting package. And a part of an ear. But mostly the syphilis.

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madame cezanne

cezanne wife

To celebrate the “Madame Cezanne” exhibit that opens at the Met today, I looked into their marital bliss…or lack thereof, apparently. Turns out that Paul Cezanne didn’t leave his wife anything in their will, and instead left it all to his son. Guess I need to add a new surname to my list of “Hated Pauls in Art History.” You’re in good company with that Gauguin clown, Cezanne.

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revenge

gauguin self

 

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.  – Paul Gauguin

Hmm…wait a minute. This is something that doesn’t actually make me sick to my stomach thinking about when I refer to Paul Gauguin. I mean, WHO KNOWS what the man is referring to in this situation, but I barely care! Revenge, huh? I mean, I plot my revenge all the time.

BTW, Paul, this by no stretch of the imagination makes us friends.

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gauguin: an erotic life

mowll mathews

It’s not news that I have a deep, loathing hatred of Paul Gauguin. Like, hate. But there are moments that I’m like, “You know? Maybe it’s bad karma,” so I’ll investigate for an article of a biographer who may happen to see the good in Gauguin. I uncovered an old interview of Nancy Mowll Mathews, author of “Paul Gauguin: An Erotic Life.”

When asked if she could ever be interested in Gauguin:

Gauguin was in fact a bully and an abusive husband…I began seeing how unpopular he was during his lifetime. How his habits were so in-your-face in a sexual way. Could I be attracted to Gauguin? Yes. I think he was a terribly charismatic person. I think he was very seductive when he wanted to be. I think everyone would have succumbed to his charms, particularly a young person. I kind of doubt it at this point of my life — you meet people like that and you think, “Yeah. Yeah. Right.” If you were young and this person were as colorful and intriguing as he was, I could see why people liked him.”

Um, gross. And unconvincing. And well, just traditionally expected at this point. Gauguin, you continue to be the worst.

 

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vincent as a play

vincent playbill

Huffington Post created a faux playbill to accompany the news of a Vincent musical coming out next year. I’m surprised and yet, quite relieved, Paul Gauguin was only mentioned once in this song lineup. Though “‘Twas a Super Starry Night” and “Goodbye Ear-l” as songs in the mix? Groan, I’d almost trade ’em in for more Gauguin mentions. Hey, I said almost.

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tahitian women

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Girl, I see you and I hear that. I wouldn’t wanna be about that “painted by Gauguin” life either.

Read more about how much I loathe Paul Gauguin here, here, here, herehere…oh!, and here.

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sunflowers

Which one would you rather have? The yellow one? Or the one underneath it?

van gogh sunflowers

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If you picked the yellow one, congratulations! It’s van Gogh’s Sunflowers. If you chose the one underneath it, take your Gauguin and get out of my life.

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savage persona is right

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Well, it’s been a minute since I’ve written a solid article hating Gauguin, so here goes.

An article reviewing a 2002 Met exhibition called “Paul Gauguin in New York Collections: The Lure of the Exotic” (oy), writer Holland Cotter wrote this quaint prose:

In fact, the true subject is the artist himself. Like any monomaniac, Gauguin was in the Gauguin business, aggressively…It was a demanding job. It entailed not only creating art of extraordinary quality, but also inventing a persona with which to promote it. This entrepreneurial public role didn’t require that he be a nice guy, and he wasn’t. He declared himself a ”savage” by birth because, he said, he had South American Indian blood. (He was one-eighth Peruvian.) And he dressed the part. He grew his hair long, wore swashbuckling cloaks, home-boy hats and an expression — you see it in the self-portraits — of sly, intimidating disdain.

Home-boy hats, ha! I’m impressed at this point. It’s like you’re wanting me to just keep hating you.

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in the vanilla grove, man and horse

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Paul Gauguin created this travesty in 1891. You can pass by it at the Guggenheim.

Gauguin wanted to go to Tahiti to

“immerse [himself] in virgin nature, see no one but savages, live their life, with no other thoughts in mind but to render the way a child would . . . and to do this with nothing but the primitive means of art, the only means that are good and true.”

Ugh. What a nightmare. What’s worse about this is scholars think he looked to the Trajan Column and the gosh darn PARTHENON when painting this guy and his horse. He wanted to make the primitive accessible to a Western art audience. YEESH, what a clown.

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another monday

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Every single emotion from all these subjects are how I feel on this particular Monday. Disgust, nostalgia, general frustration, you name it. I’m not scheduled to go to the dentist or view a Gauguin today! Ugh, Monday, you’re so terrible!

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