arthipstory

Can we chat about Arnold Bocklin for a second? I mean, this guy had some legitimate selfies in the nineteenth century worth examining….

Like this one. Smart, pensive, a little portly, but still relatively handsome. I’d swipe right for that.

This one I’m less fond of. Are you at the theater? The three-piece suit’s a little much even for 1855. Like, come on dude, everyone knows you know shit about wine. But it looks like you enjoy the theater–not to mention carbs–so I’ll still take you up on dinner and a show.

HELLO, there is a legit SKELETON PLAYING THE VIOLIN and I’d still swipe harder on this dude than literally anyone standing in front of a gym mirror.

Is there an Arnold Bocklin circa 2018 I can hang around town with? One request: Leave the skeleton musicians at home, plz.

When there’s a pint of chocolate-covered banana gelato in the freezer, but to get to it, you gotta face your roommate’s magnet that says, “I ain’t nobody’s fat ex-girlfriend.”

Damn.

I just bought this shirt and realized that the…
– high-waisted denim
– leather jacket
– long-ass nails and perfect manicure
– messy hair and big earrings
– bright lip
– IDGAF attitude

ARE NOT INCLUDED WITH THIS PURCHASE.

christ.

My mother sends me daily inspirational quotes about living life to the fullest.

And I’m just like, but can I get full on life from pizza?

She insists I can’t.

I talked myself into running a half-marathon in a month without any training.

I went to one, ONE!, fitness dance aerobic class last week and I’ve been sore for days.

This half is gonna rock!!!

I feel this exhausted and annoyed after waiting for like, one frozen dinner in the microwave.

I’ve bought tickets to not one, but two, things this weekend, and I am already overwhelmed and exhausted with commitment.

Well, if this isn’t my absolute favorite thing on the Internet today…

Thank you, Shoshana.

Make no mistake, I’ve already made a “Michelle Obama is NOT IMPRESSED” poster for my cubicle.