arthipstory

I have two scar stories. The first one’s about how some guy in second grade pushed me in a rose bush and said that was his way of dumping me (He’s a cop now — talk about atonement, good sir!). The second one’s from high school, when I covered a desk chair with broken coffee mugs (my mom was pissed, btw).

When my art teacher told me to rework it during a critique, I was like, “Sure thing!” It was about a minute after ripping hot-glued shards of ceramic off plastic when I sliced my knuckle open. My art teacher was like, “You’ll be fine,” as blood pooled on the floor. A week later, the school nurse told me I should’ve gotten stitches.

So, kudos to Margarita Sampson, who is smart enough to create whimsical chair embellishments that won’t cause physical (OR EMOTIONAL) harm.

I hope everyone can pair a luxurious start to their Sunday with a messy bun and a floral collared blouse.

That bow, that stole, that parcel?! This is my ideal life, realized. I’m going to hunt down a hat to smirk under with that sassy stance, STAT.

Dolly Parton fan art appropriates Botticelli. Fan art FTW.

A scholar wants you to think that van Gogh slipped in the “Last Supper” to his “Cafe at Arles” work.

Look closely, Jared Baxter! There aren’t even FACIAL FEATURES. Jared Baxter! Ay yai yai. Well, with that name, I’d invent a ridiculous art theory myself! Jared Baxter. Yeesh!

Monday. In every single sense. If it weren’t from DWTS returning to television tonight, I don’t know WHAT I’d do.

I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t my “gonna start a fashion blog” post (I enjoy elastic waistlines wayyy too much to be about that life). But I am gonna go ahead and promote Julianne Moore’s Bazaar cover story because she fires on that godforsaken mani cam:

I’m 54 years old. I can’t make my fingers walk; it’s humiliating!

You go, girl. I mean, no offense to Giuliana Rancic, but we’ve seriously got to move away from that garbage. This is when I drop that Rancic has a Masters (a Masters!) in journalism, and even worked on Capitol Hill before apparently selling her soul to the Red Carpet Countdown. She also graduated from Barbizon Modeling, which, like, isn’t that advertised next to those “Draw Me!” pictures of a teddy bear for cash? Thought so.

See? All comes back to art.

Just think about all the info we would’ve learned of assassinating Caesar (above) had Brutus sported a hot mic to a bathroom à la Robert Durst in the series finale of HBO’s “The Jinx.”

Who needs that sassy pink-wearing, hand-up girl emoji when you have Cindy Sherman?! Well…I do (there’s no real replacement), but these are still just as fabulous. Download them here. Yuh welcome.