Monthly Archives: September 2016

sure thing.

Resurrection of Christ.jpg

When someone tries to displace their workplace responsibilities on me at 4:45 on Friday afternoon (or ever, really).

“Behold! Behold the fields of Fs I give, and see that it is barren!”

good grief.


Guess what, everyone: Paul Gauguin’s still ruining everything.

Take this painting Faaturuma, for example. (LBH, I keep reading this as Futurama.)

The museum calls the window-like image in the background a landscape painting, and I agree (the title of the work is inscribed on its invented/imagined frame). In Tahitian, faaturuma means “overcast sky.” If you ask me, it also means “bored AF girl that scholarship might’ve confused with his teenage mistress.”

Which, on heels of Anthony Weiner’s sixty-fifth inappropriate texting relationship, sounds right up Gauguin’s alley. GROSS.

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tfw, ftw


TFW I realize it’s Friday, and I’m about to blow off every date I scheduled on Bumble all week.



I hope this is how my roommate feels when I ask her, “What do I say in response to this guy?”

“Get the parchment, dear. We’re gonna really mess with some fella’s head right about now.”

She’s just so good about me sounding too busy!

fortune teller


Did you know that there are two versions of Caravaggio’s Fortune Teller? Yep. One’s in Rome, one’s in Paris. The one above is in Rome’s Capitolini Museum, and the one below’s in the Louvre.


Although Rome’s Fortune Teller boy is more “girl, please!” about the impending doom of his future, but both have their femmes straight up running off with his rings!

Saucy chicks.

Also, great story on the model: Caravaggio’s all “Oh yeah, I’m so good at painting nature than I can pick anyone out of the streets to paint!” (He said, “nature’s given me an abundance of masters.” Ay yai yai).

I also LOVE the top painting more because it was owned by Vincenzo Giustinianionly my favorite patron of Caravaggio. Dude owned this, this, and this (psst: NSFW).

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people in the sun


Edward Hopper’s People in the Sun has an interesting composition. Leisurely group of people on the left, mountains on the right.

I imagine these men and women will feast their eyes on the sun exploding, or something really worth watching (today really feels prime for a gd mental breakdown).

The guy on the right’s so smart, and came equipped with a book. Dude, that’s precisely what I’d be doing if I had a seat to the world ending…

I’d be averting my gaze, reading my inbox.



Keeping Caravaggio’s Boy with a Basket of Fruit in mind when I schedule my spin schedule this week.

The model for the work is Mario Minniti, who appears in nearly ten of Caravaggio’s most famous works. He shows up in some of my most favorite public commissions, incl. The Calling of Saint Matthew, as well as The Martyrdom of Saint Matthew.

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Monday’s to do list includes:
1.) displaying read receipt of all texts
2.) sending no responses.

the chocolate girl.


The Chocolate Girl is a painting on parchment by Jean-Etienne Liotard. The image is of a chamber maid bringing a cup of chocolate to…whoever.

Let me get this straight: The Chocolate Girl. Really? That’s your name? Come claim the title back, miss, when you can house a whole pint of Tonight Dough, not just some measly cup of chocolate and a glass of water.

cat + bird.


Gosh darn it, MOMA, if this isn’t the most glorious description of a cat I’ve ever heard.

Paul Klee’s Cat and Bird use the elements of art for “their own sake,” meaning  Klee didn’t really care about the image as much as its process. Here in particular, you can see his emphasis on color, line, and shape and how they create composite shape of a bird within the cat’s mind.

Also, like, how fabulous is Klee’s desire to make “secret visions visible”?! Seriously?! I HEAR THAT…especially when it comes to the overflowing cart I have on both Boden and J.Crew right now.

[insert preach emoji here].