Author Archives: arthipstory

Here’s the list I’ve made in the past five minutes, scrolling through dating apps while my mom does the crossword in New York Times Magazine.

– No cats.
– No solidarity filters.
– No mirrors.
– No boats/fishing photos.
– No wildlife.
– No gym mirrors.
– No “it looks like you married to the bride” photos

It’s exhausting, honestly.

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When not one ex, but two exes, appear in my Bumble feed.

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Yep, I think this accurately defines my motivation for the week.

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LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I worked at a pet store when I was in high school (a very “Mom and Pop”-type place, tucked in a strip mall between Jewel-Osco and a Burlington).

I HATED THE BIRD ROOM.

Those macaws would rip my goddamn knuckles apart any/every time I’d put food and water in (note: spare me your PETA rants, plz; I get they were miserable in their surroundings, etc.).

What I’m saying is, my fear of these birds is so irrational from all that, that when I see this picture, I’m just in awe of…
a.) this girl’s mane,
b.) her coy nature slash TOTAL COOL WITH THIS BIRD.

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I am in love with this work just on the girl’s POUT and JAWLINE ALONE.

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Edward Hopper’s done it again. His composition’s heroine (much like in Nighthawks) is disinterested, nonchalant, and without any regard to anything/anyone around her.

Much like me on the subway. This is not like me in an UberPool, however; I talk to EVERYONE like they could help me out on Cash Cab or something.

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Mary Cassatt knows what’s up when the plans I made a week from now are TODAY and I don’t wish to go.

Everything down to the straw hat and contempt.

Maybe they’ll cancel. *crosses fingers*

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*wave emoji* *wave emoji* *wave emoji*

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My actual, genuine expression when the elevator pauses its descent on the second floor to pick someone up who is in WORKOUT CLOTHES.

TAKE. THE. STAIRS.

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