Category Archives: Art

chiaroscuro

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There are a lot of civic duties being thrown around lately (not to mention shade to Rachel Roy), so I figured I should do mine and educate the masses with the four different styles of Renaissance painting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my first (serious) series on this beautiful soapbox.

Up first: chiaroscuro. Chiaroscuro comes from the Latin words for “bright” and “dark,” which is probably the most obvious etymology I’ve heard all day.

If you see a Caravaggio painting, it’s undoubtedly a strong example of chiaroscuro. He’s a Baroque painter that A.) I’m obsessed with, and B.) is famous for his intense use of high contrast lighting that puts most of his Biblical characters off to the side of the composition in a big ol’ shadow and behind a nobody or a horse’s ass.

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Here’s Saint Peter being crucified with a big booty in the foreground.

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Here’s the apostle Paul (before, as Saul) on the ground from hearing God on his way to Damascus. (Note: There’s SO FREAKING MUCH to say about this painting that it’ll get its own post soooooon.)

Stay tuned, kids! I’m about to provide all the fodder you’ll need to impress your dates in the Italian wings of museums this weekend.

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#lemonade

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I’m gonna go ahead and say that this plate of lemons, painted by Vincent van Gogh, isn’t what everyone is talking about right now.

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wallart


Art we or aren’t we?

actual nightmare.

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I see photos like this and I’m like, are you serious?! You want me to meet you at a happy hour?!

Joan Caulfield was a star with Paramount in the fifties. and was often called “feminine.” UH, NO KIDDING. YOU AREN’T EVEN TRYING TO SHED THAT LABEL, JOAN.

 

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prince 

  

❤️❤️❤️

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whatta pair.

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Sometimes art is the most beautiful couple of the 90s. Goodness, those cheeeeeekbones.

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pray


I really almost stood and mimicked this chick at breakfast today. I really almost tried to REASON with Thursday over my cereal like all, “listen here now,” “be good to me,” “let’s hope I don’t die alone.”

Alrightttt, fine, really the last one is for any day of the week.

No judgment.

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Frida Kahlo’s Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird can be found at the University of Texas in Austin, thanks to Nickolas Muray. What might surprise you is, Muray and Kahlo had an affair that lasted ten years (TEN YEARS!), and this was painted at the end of it, in 1940.

Muray wanted to marry her…and she paints this.

Welp, I’ll hand it to you, Frida! I’ll be sure to send this to all my no-longer-attractive Bumble matches…and there’s a lot of them. That’ll send the right message!

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sally nixon’s women

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Well, whaddya know, I embrace the regular, everyday lives like Sally Nixon does in her works. Though, I’m going to let you in on a secret: my fridge has way more Coors Lite in its door from a goodbye rager house party I had back in goddamn December, and I end up grabbing frosting from the pantry over a Diet Coke.

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ursula nordstrom

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So we’re clear (and sorry, Mom), I’ve made up my mind to just cover my arms in children book’s characters. And apparently, I have Ursula Nordstrom to thank. She’s the editor behind Where the Wild Things Are‘s Maurice Sendak, The Giving Tree‘s Shel Silverstein, and Goodnight Moon‘s Margaret Wise Brown.

At this point, Nordstrom’s portrait will be prominently displayed on my forearm, along with Harold’s purple crayon and Max in a wolf costume…I’m still debating the bowl full of mush.

mush

Just kidding…this is so bad ass.

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