There are a lot of civic duties being thrown around lately (not to mention shade to Rachel Roy), so I figured I should do mine and educate the masses with the four different styles of Renaissance painting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my first (serious) series on this beautiful soapbox.

Up first: chiaroscuro. Chiaroscuro comes from the Latin words for “bright” and “dark,” which is probably the most obvious etymology I’ve heard all day.

If you see a Caravaggio painting, it’s undoubtedly a strong example of chiaroscuro. He’s a Baroque painter that A.) I’m obsessed with, and B.) is famous for his intense use of high contrast lighting that puts most of his Biblical characters off to the side of the composition in a big ol’ shadow and behind a nobody or a horse’s ass.


Here’s Saint Peter being crucified with a big booty in the foreground.


Here’s the apostle Paul (before, as Saul) on the ground from hearing God on his way to Damascus. (Note: There’s SO FREAKING MUCH to say about this painting that it’ll get its own post soooooon.)

Stay tuned, kids! I’m about to provide all the fodder you’ll need to impress your dates in the Italian wings of museums this weekend.

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