women not smiling

WHY did I just find out that Mallory Ortberg put a “NOW HIRING” post on the Toast earlier this month!? Sheesh. I would be totally perfect for this job, Mal!

Still loving your work, girlfriend, so here goes another one. Read the entire post “Women Who Are Not Having a Great Time in Art History” here.

mallory1

no don’t stop now
we’re both so fascinated

checkers

do we really all have to be here for this
oh good question
i don’t know
what’s the only checkers rule that we have in this house
dad
please
WHAT’S THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE THAT WE HAVE IN THIS HOUSE
the checkers rule is that we all have t–
THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE IS THAT WHEN I WANT TO PLAY CHECKERS EVERYBODY PLAYS CHECKERS

christchild

 

i don’t like you

 

No, really, Mallory — please hire me. I know I’m a week late, but it’s part of the charm, promise.

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