Monthly Archives: August 2014

women not smiling

WHY did I just find out that Mallory Ortberg put a “NOW HIRING” post on the Toast earlier this month!? Sheesh. I would be totally perfect for this job, Mal!

Still loving your work, girlfriend, so here goes another one. Read the entire post “Women Who Are Not Having a Great Time in Art History” here.

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no don’t stop now
we’re both so fascinated

checkers

do we really all have to be here for this
oh good question
i don’t know
what’s the only checkers rule that we have in this house
dad
please
WHAT’S THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE THAT WE HAVE IN THIS HOUSE
the checkers rule is that we all have t–
THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE IS THAT WHEN I WANT TO PLAY CHECKERS EVERYBODY PLAYS CHECKERS

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i don’t like you

 

No, really, Mallory — please hire me. I know I’m a week late, but it’s part of the charm, promise.

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i’d be angry too

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I feel like this chick was talked into buying one too many afghan shawls from Coldwater Creek before it went out of business.

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anthro furniture

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Coralie Bed, $1,998 – $2,398 

This illustrates such a great, casual way to store your instrument after tromboning yourself to sleep.

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Linen Corrigan Chair, $1,698

Hey, buddy, you better watch yourself in this house. If you start mouthing off about the paint job, guess what? Here’s a chair in your way. Yeah, you like that? Oh, what’s this? Another chair. And lurking in the next room, just biding its time? Yeah, it’s another chair.

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Arlo Sofa, $3,298

Yes, put it right by my ancient tapestry. Perfect.

 

I’m really digging this girl’s sense of humor. I feel like we should team up (wink, wink, Liz Galvao) and write something spectacular. Read the rest of her hilarity here.

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make it to me

worn out
My phone’ll feel this way if I play one more Sam Smith song today.

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pieta, part deux

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Michelangelo carved these two out of the same stone. You know what I did today?! Cut construction paper into equal segments.

Awhile ago, I made everyone feel terrible about their twenty-something to-do list when I said Bernini’s carved Persephone at the age of twenty-three. Well, I’ve already written about the masterpiece that is the Pieta, but here’s some more trivia with which you can impress all yo’Tinder dates.

The Vatican released the work to be on display for the 1964-65 World’s Fair in New York. Crews made sure the priceless sculpture was well-equipped for the long journey by cushioning it with millions of microbeads inside a wooden box which was then place inside a metal outer shell. Mary and Christ were also packed with a flotation device for their Transatlantic journey, just in case! Though, these two clock in at three tons, sooooo that’s a lotta swim floaties.

The crew members responsible for packing and delivering the Pieta were under pretty strict orders to keep it under maximum security, so what do they do? Put a huge “P I E T A” stamp on the side of the stainless steel case. Swell, boys, no one will ever guess what’s in there!

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savage persona is right

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Well, it’s been a minute since I’ve written a solid article hating Gauguin, so here goes.

An article reviewing a 2002 Met exhibition called “Paul Gauguin in New York Collections: The Lure of the Exotic” (oy), writer Holland Cotter wrote this quaint prose:

In fact, the true subject is the artist himself. Like any monomaniac, Gauguin was in the Gauguin business, aggressively…It was a demanding job. It entailed not only creating art of extraordinary quality, but also inventing a persona with which to promote it. This entrepreneurial public role didn’t require that he be a nice guy, and he wasn’t. He declared himself a ”savage” by birth because, he said, he had South American Indian blood. (He was one-eighth Peruvian.) And he dressed the part. He grew his hair long, wore swashbuckling cloaks, home-boy hats and an expression — you see it in the self-portraits — of sly, intimidating disdain.

Home-boy hats, ha! I’m impressed at this point. It’s like you’re wanting me to just keep hating you.

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seafoam palace

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A really cool Huffington Post article covered the Seafoam Palace in Detroit. Turns out the building is on the National Register of Historic Places, and is about to be converted into a “museum of curiosities.” It was once a lumber company office building, and is slated to open next summer.

They have a Kickstarter campaign to help open their doors for workshops, classes, and more. I’m so pumped for this.

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banksy on gilt

You guys, Banksy’s back on Gilt! Just in case you haven’t seen enough “Exit Through the Gift Shop” lately, don’t fret! You can bring the street art indoors and have some really intense conversations over site-specific or site-oriented artworks over your dinner party cheese plates.

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Fall Angel Wall Decal

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Falling Girl print

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Graffiti Is A Crime wrapped canvas

There’s also all sorts of framed pieces, like this Choose Your Weapon Keith Haring work. Check it out in the next 20 hours, kids.

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warball

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“Sometimes you’re invited to a big ball and for months you think about how glamorous and exciting it’s going to be. Then you fly to Europe and you go to the ball and when you think back on it a couple of months later what you remember is maybe the car ride to the ball, you can’t remember the ball at all. Sometimes the little times you don’t think are anything while they’re happening turn out to be what marks a whole period of your life. I should have been dreaming for months about the car ride to the ball and getting dressed for the car ride, and buying my ticket to Europe so I could take the car ride. Then, who knows, maybe I could have remembered the ball.”

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bardot and picasso

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Bridgette Bardot visited Picasso’s Cannes studio in 1956. He never painted her, but said he liked her ponytail style. I’m about that dress though.

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