women who want to be alone

Please, please, pleaaaaseeeeee, Mallory Ortberg?!! Just hire me already.

Read the entire series “Women Who Want to be Alone” here.


i have my needlework
and my secrets


ahh i would love to stay and go out with you 
i would love that 
so much
but i have to keep running away from you 
how did you say 😦 out loud like that
idk sorry cant stop running away tho!!




ahh sorryyyy
sorry my arms are trees now 
what’s that, can’t hear you, arms are trees

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