Me regarding any of the following:

1. overhearing someone else’s grueling fitness regiment (idc re: your planks),
2. listening to anyone’s stories involving bottomless brunch,
3. getting assigned any (read: a single) responsibility outside my contractual obligations,
4. hearing someone going vegan Monday, and ordering sausage pizza Wednesday,
5. seeing reckless children…anywhere.

Don’t mind me while I just tuck in my double chin to my high collar and judge.

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