arthipstory

If you’re anything like me, you have a ton of family around and what seems like nowhere to go. Mix in the Christmas shopping I did on a 1:2 ratio (“1 for you, 2 for me”), and I’m not really in the mood to spend even more money…though I admit, I’d look fabulous if I could get out of these plaid jammies.

Well, it seems like Santa’s pretty familiar with my situation because, turns out there’s like a ton of free museums you can A.) enjoy all sorts of art in, and B.) either invite or hide from family members that have taken over your guest room.

Let me recommend the Indianapolis Museum of Art, which starts to charge admission in April 2015. Get ’em while the gettin’s good, I think they say.

Turns out Kandinsky didn’t seriously start pursuing art until he was thirty. Nice! I’m gonna go ahead and put my dreams on hold for another year and see how it pans out.

So I just found out that some kid threw up blue food on this Mondrian at the MoMA in 1996. Cake icing, yogurt, and Jell-O. Well done, Jabal Brown — this helps me avoid adding all those festive holiday extras on my hors d’oeuvres plate at the staff holiday party this year! That and SoulCycle. Definitely SoulCycle.

This is what a punched-in Monet looks like.

If you want to believe a story (insert underprepared Serial joke here), Andrew Shannon told the cops he “felt faint” before falling into the painting. But no missing Best Buy phone booth here, dear reader: Camera footage shows Shannon deliberately punching in the work, valued at ten million dollars.

I’ll tell you what: my eloquent pacifist nature aside, I would want something more than five years in prison for something worth that much. I would want, um…TEN MILLION DOLLARS.

“Art has been used to express feelings about every kind of situation…I was happy to be able to do something that helped the Brown family even in a small way. And it’s not over. It will never be over until black lives matter as much as white lives.” – Mary Englebreit

#TeamDawn / get this shirt here.

Photographer Sandro Miller uses John Malkovich as a subject for a new exhibition that honors some the artists that inspired his career. Just when I didn’t think I could love and cherish John Malkovich more for his classic SNL holiday monologue, this happens! Love, love, love.

Top to bottom: Malkovich as Che Geuvara and Muhammed Ali.