Tag Archives: women

women not smiling

WHY did I just find out that Mallory Ortberg put a “NOW HIRING” post on the Toast earlier this month!? Sheesh. I would be totally perfect for this job, Mal!

Still loving your work, girlfriend, so here goes another one. Read the entire post “Women Who Are Not Having a Great Time in Art History” here.

mallory1

no don’t stop now
we’re both so fascinated

checkers

do we really all have to be here for this
oh good question
i don’t know
what’s the only checkers rule that we have in this house
dad
please
WHAT’S THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE THAT WE HAVE IN THIS HOUSE
the checkers rule is that we all have t–
THE ONLY CHECKERS RULE IS THAT WHEN I WANT TO PLAY CHECKERS EVERYBODY PLAYS CHECKERS

christchild

 

i don’t like you

 

No, really, Mallory — please hire me. I know I’m a week late, but it’s part of the charm, promise.

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i’d be angry too

cassatt1

I feel like this chick was talked into buying one too many afghan shawls from Coldwater Creek before it went out of business.

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women ignoring men

Let my Mallory Ortberg obsession continue…

Read the full article, “Art History: 500 Years of Women Ignoring Men,” here.

mallory 4

“Oh, my God, Tess, don’t encourage him. You’re terrrrrible.”

“No, I’m serious! That was so good! Can you play another one? You’re, like, really good at this.”

mallory 5

“I would love to go out tonight but I’m…I’m dying.” [coughs weakly into handkerchief]

“Oh, my God.”

“Yeah. It’s consumption, so.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I will stay and nurse you.”

“No, you won’t.”

mallory 6

“Hi, sorry, this is a women-only balcony.”

“Women’s balcony, sorry.”

“Male balcony’s over there, this balcony is all-women, sorry!”

 

 

 

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normal moments

Remember that time yesterday when I discovered Mallory Ortberg? Well, I’m about to develop a love for her that is similar to Suri’s Burn Book for Kiernan Shipka. And her posts continue to bring sparkle and hilarity to this domain, so I say, let it shine.

mallory 1

what dead girl 

i don’t even know what you mean 

this girl was here when we got here

she wanted us to stand on her

yeah that was like all she could talk about 

“please stand on me”

so don’t worry it’s very normal what we’re doing here

mallory 2

hey guys hey come on in just come right on in i’m so glad you’re here by yourselves just the two of you 

we’re going to have such a good normal time in this cave together 

mallory 3

yeah so just drink out of this cup and then something will happen after that i guess

 

Actually, though, Mallory — you are magic. Guest post ASAP, plz…I’ll send cookies.

Read the rest of her wondrous article, “Normal Moments in Art History with no Murder,” here.

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women listening to men

Image

ahhhahahhaha

that is so good

that is so funny

that is so funny and good 

no I’ve never heard that before from you

nighthawks

ahh sorry i just

i really need to look at this matchbook right now 

sorrryyyy


Found this gem of an article today. I like everything about this. Mallory Ortberg, you are ON IT, GIRL.

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