arthipstory

I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t my “gonna start a fashion blog” post (I enjoy elastic waistlines wayyy too much to be about that life). But I am gonna go ahead and promote Julianne Moore’s Bazaar cover story because she fires on that godforsaken mani cam:

I’m 54 years old. I can’t make my fingers walk; it’s humiliating!

You go, girl. I mean, no offense to Giuliana Rancic, but we’ve seriously got to move away from that garbage. This is when I drop that Rancic has a Masters (a Masters!) in journalism, and even worked on Capitol Hill before apparently selling her soul to the Red Carpet Countdown. She also graduated from Barbizon Modeling, which, like, isn’t that advertised next to those “Draw Me!” pictures of a teddy bear for cash? Thought so.

See? All comes back to art.

Just think about all the info we would’ve learned of assassinating Caesar (above) had Brutus sported a hot mic to a bathroom à la Robert Durst in the series finale of HBO’s “The Jinx.”

Who needs that sassy pink-wearing, hand-up girl emoji when you have Cindy Sherman?! Well…I do (there’s no real replacement), but these are still just as fabulous. Download them here. Yuh welcome.

One of each, please. Well, maybe skip that slab of meat, but definitely those sundaes. Claes Oldenburg once said of the work:

“The food, of course, can’t really be eaten, so that it’s an imaginary activity which emphasizes the fact that it is, after all, not real, that it’s art, whatever that strange thing is of doing something only for itself rather than for function.”

Well done, Claes…this philosophy is aka my DIET HELL.

Wanna make a cake for my birthday? Seems like the pastry chef Caitlin Freeman (author of Modern Art Desserts) knows just what I like: a lemon curd-filled cake with strawberry buttercream icing a la Wayne Thiebaud. Let me know when you want the shipping address, Caitlin! (Or any of you really, the recipe is here.)

I had to rip out about two hours worth of work on my recent cross-stitching project. I was LIVID. Mainly because I wasn’t wearing nearly the amount of silky layers I shoulda been. and I didn’t even have a rose adorning my loose updo.

I don’t understand how Grandma Moses portrays so many people bustling about in this weather. I mean, someone is this painting’s pouring maple sugar in the snow, for crying out loud! To make candy! Sounds like a lot of work to me. I’d be inside that cabin watching Center Stage over and over, eating store-bought candy that has NOT touched the elements.

Let’s go ahead and get one thing straight: My mom is hilarious. So when she emails me this morning, and sends me a link about talking patterns, I thought, “This is great, but not again, mother! What’s with people taking all my great ideas?!”

I just love your dress

Oh uh

What’s it chenille or

Okay yeah I guess you can touch it

No Susie

I don’t want to play yo-yos

I’m into doorknobs now

Seriously Ruth-Ann

Do you have a blazer for every holiday

Jesus you’re annoying

See more even amazing captioned patterns here.