Tag Archives: women in art

mistral = miserable.

mistral.jpg

Vincent van Gogh lived with Paul Gauguin in the Yellow House for about nine weeks.

Nine.

If you ask me, that’s about nine too many.

During that hellacious time, Gauguin painted Mistral. The subject, Madame Ginoux, was the owner of a cafe, and is featured in multiple portraits by both artists. Doesn’t she look doggone miserable?! Cold wind, or cold dead stare from being visually confronted in a Gauguin again!? Definitely latter.

This bush looks like a face, though, right? Or does Gauguin just make me go crazy and see things that aren’t really there?

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battle of the pauls

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Not to be redundant, but Paul Cezanne’s Still Life with Fruit Dish makes its appearance in Paul Gauguin’s Woman in front of a Still Life by Cezanne. I know what you’re thinking: WOW, Gauguin, super original.

A few things I absolutely hate about this work (surprise, surprise)…

1. Knife: Why does it look like it’s floating!? Worst.

2. Signature: Gauguin does a pretty rude move where he signs the white border of the Cezanne work. Like, are you serious, Gauguin? Way to take credit for a work you didn’t actually create with that borrowed background! Lucky us, though, since we get to interpret the signature as witness (a la Jan van Eyck’s Arnolfini Wedding Portrait) or as a self-important chump (a la Duchamp’s urinal). Personally, I’m going with latter.

3. Ownership: Gauguin once said that he would never sell this Cezanne without “direst necessity.” But guess what?! He later sold it to pay for medical treatment in Tahiti…something to do with syphilis, perhaps? (I ignore ALL dental analysis theories; don’t you dare rain on my parade, science!)

4. That WAIST: Mainly since I’m damn jealous. You can keep your hate-filled glare, though, girl. I’m not about that.

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portrait of a young woman as.jpg

I have nothing clever to say about this work, other than to share its title is Portrait of a Young Woman as a Wise Virgin.

This means she’s neither wise, nor a virgin, right? Sebastiano del Piombo FTW on this broad. Cute braid, though.

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bored2.jpg

I can’t tell what I like more about this painting: the fact that this girl is stylish as can be in all this excess fabric, or that she’s actually throwing daggers at someone who undoubtedly flirted with her last night, but actually has a girlfriend.

Both usually happen to me, so, girl, I hear you. Men are the pits.

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gauguinears.jpg

This would be my exact reaction if I discovered myself drawn by Paul Gauguin.

A surprise to absolutely no one.

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dance of life

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Hey, Tulla Larsen. LIGHTEN UP. You look so goddamn serious about a dance, and yeesh!, after researching this work, I’m starting to realize why.

Edvard Munch (moon-ck, btw) met Larsen in 1898. He’s 35, she’s 29. There’s a lot of issues with Munch, so I’ll spare you…but let’s just say, him being jealous probably a.) isn’t new, and b.) not surprising. Scholars seem to think this is less a tableau, and more a documentation of a woman experiencing ravaging lust and love.

Stage One (left): Girl in white, pretty, bored.
Stage Two (right): Girl in white, taken by a creep. Again, Munch’s jealousy enters strong here; scholarship believes the male counterpart is some playwright Larsen was apparently having an affair with.
Stage Three (center): Munch back with Larsen, dancing some angry tango I think I’ve seen on Dancing with the Stars (BACK MONDAY, MARCH 21ST!!!!) Also, how Kardashian is Munch’s ass?!
Stage Four (far right): Larsen, pissed af, jaded + slighted. It’s what you get for going out with Munch, Larsen.

But wait, the stuff gets better: Edvard Munch got shot in the left hand in an attempt to break up with Tulla Larsen. He always said his hand’d constantly reminded him of the “three wasted years” of his life. Baha, I always have that feeling of regret…but it’s usually about the large pile of candy wrappers I have on my desk after reading my horoscope.

 

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salome

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So, King Herod didn’t just boss the Wise Men around; turns out, the dude divorced his wife, only to marry his brother’s (which, her name was Herodiasno, actually).

Enter new stepdaughter, above. Salome parties and does, like, the most seductive dance to the point that Herod’s completely fawning for her antics. He asks what she wants more than anything, and girlfriend goes ahead and asks for John the Baptist’s head on a platter.

Seriously!? Girl. Puh-leeeze. You can have anything and you ask for someone’s decapitation!? I’d rather just have like, Frye boots or a well-catered dinner party or something.

Though, cheers, since you are easily the sassiest queen, sittin’ back with that platter and knife like you ’bout to do it yourself. Henri Regnault isn’t messin’ with your hair either.

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dance dance dance

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This is actually less of a scene, and more a progression of my night after a long-winded happy hour.

Starting from the left:
1. I always appear super shy and generally leaning into a bar corner,
2. Yawn out of absolute boredom,
3. Choose to take some awkward dance moves out on the floor, and
4. Sit in confusion about where my wallet is. (It’s on the counter, next to the empty pint of Phish Food and gum wrappers from the back of my Uber.)

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gleaners

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Jean-Francois Millet’s Gleaners shows three women picking up stray pieces of wheat post-harvest. Ugh, gosh, I can’t even imagine working that hard. You could promise me a million dollars at the end of the day, and I’d be like, “Uh, sure, but this manicure though!”

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5pm

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I hear you, 18th-century actress Elizabeth Farren. Grab that stole and let’s hustle out of the office early before anyone sees us. That glass of wine ain’t gonna pour itself.

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