arthipstory

Rupert Bunny’s leisurely women were renowned by various Salon critics, but I’m more interested in making this bed scene my entire weekend.

Henriette de Verninac was Eugene Delacroix’s older sister. Eighteen years his senior, Henriette had to take care of him after their mother died.

First of all, being the oldest is tough. But then, after both her parents died, the Delacroix family went into major debt thanks to their attorney who squirreled away most of the money. When I say most, they went from being worth a million today to being several million in debt.*

Dude.

Good thing Jacques-Louis David painted her before she went all broke ‘n stuff.

*Note: I’m actual rubbish at determining inflation; I usually just text my dad “How much would 800,000 francs in 1815 be worth today?” and he responds with a sensational number. I consistently applaud his intelligence.

TFW you receive an email about bringing significant others to a work function, and reply all with: “Does my dog count?”

DUDE, CHARLES.

The glasses, the overcoat, this smug AF eyebrow? Too much. You look like an old photo of my dad’s fraternity brothers.

And, man, I get it. You’re trying to do this hipster/tortured soul thing to hang out with Gauguin. Spoiler, though, Chuck: The whole “tortured soul” thing will be quick routine should you continue to chill with Gauguin. He suuuuucks.

(Note: Charles Laval was also an artist, and friends with Gauguin, to the point they both traveled to Panama together in 1887. An earlier post describes how more than 20,000 died during the construction of the Canal…and Gauguin survived.)

In case you were worried, me avoiding Gauguin should not lead you to the conclusion that I’ve had a change of heart or something.

Please! It’s like when you check Instagram feed of an ex, and realize, “yep, they still suck.” That’s me and Gauguin: I’m trying, but his stuff still rears its ugly head.

Gauguin’s Four Breton Women is, as you’d expect, is a boring work of art from Gauguin’s time in Pont-Aven. These chicks look just as annoyed as I would be had Gauguin continued to creep around as I try and analyze the actions of my fella with my ladies.

I will give Gauguin credit (I mean, slightest bit of credit) for capturing the total distress of the girl on the right. I mean, are those her shoes in her hand? 

Killing it.

About to pull a Monvel’s Delfina, but instead of tuning out boring stories of your job during happy hour with guitar playing, I’m gonna go bottoms up on my pint glass and feign an emergency on my dog before scurrying to the nearest exit.

This little number’s up for auction at Sotheby’s. Ludovic Alleaume’s In the Countryside is estimated to fetch between three and five hundred thousand dollars. I’m just hoping that someone can buy this for me and install it in my walk-in closet or something because hello, these dresses are everything to me.

Alleaume, a Monet contemporary, was influenced on this whole outdoor painting thing. I’m not always a fan of the middle part, but I’m feeling really good about this bright plaid.

You know who is not a fan of the tartan? People who visited the Salon. One translation alludes they would’ve imagined such a bright fashion choice outrageous.

Whatever, guys. Y’all thought that about gaucho pants at first, and they were HUGE.

Henri Matisse painted Lorette fifty times in the span of a year before bouncin’ to Nice in 1918. FIVE ZERO.

I’m wondering how Matisse would handle that crush with social media. I’m imagining poor Lorette would wake up to endless messages like this:

“you still up lol”
“you stunning”
“your eyes are so beautiful”

Or like, a dozen other Snapchat convos. Block that, Lorette, we you aren’t about that life.

Ask me about my horoscope, or my spirit animal. Or something entirely original in terms of getting to know someone abstractly.